There are decisions in life that are not easy to make, especially when they involve children. It is not always possible to plan, but those who want to increase the family quickly, as they say, "all at once", so they create everyone together, should pay attention to some issues.
By Liana Kupferman
The mother will probably have to give up her profession for a while, due to the demands that her children will demand. She will have the feeling of having several babies at the same time, as they will still be very dependent on her care. On the other hand, the age difference between them may be small, but the needs at this stage are quite different.
While one breastfeeds, she needs to make a bottle for the other and baby food for the older one, which will require a great deal of juggling to be able to offer so much care. It is not uncommon for mothers to feel indebted, with the feeling that they are not managing or that they are not being able to give adequate attention as they would like to each one.But the great advantage is that it is just a phase and then the children will have similar routines and activities, therefore, being more practical compared to children with a greater age difference.
On the child's side, losing the kingdom so early and not receiving parental care as before can be difficult, but it can be a learning experience in having to divide the parents' attention, conquer their space and relate to other children. and your brothers. Jealousy is less when the interval is small because from an early age he shares the same situations. Family is a social training, so they will be learning to relate from an early age, having to share, negotiate, divide, give in, etc.
When the difference is greater, the advantage is that the child has a greater understanding of what is happening, has more conditions for dialogue, in addition to being able to assist in the care of the sibling, which will bring him great satisfaction in contributing. Jealousy may be greater because it has been "reigning" longer, but nothing that a good dose of understanding from the parents can't solve.
So is there an ideal difference? If so, who is it ideal for?
The decision to have another child has to come from the parents, especially the woman, who is most compromised. Many factors are involved in this choice, such as the couple's financial situation, marriage situation, mother/father's emotional state, mother's professional stage, etc. The best moment is when they can, in the face of all this, have enough motivation to receive the child. Only in this way will all difficulties be overcome and parents will be able to enjoy such a hard-working and delicious family.
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Liana Kupferman* is a clinical psychologist who graduated from PUC-SP. She participated as a guest expert in Papo de Mãe on “one child after another”, aired on 16.09.2012.
The article was published at the "Papo de Mãe" website (Mother's Chat) - Brazil, Sep 2012
The article was translated by Google Translator. See the original article in Portuguese here.