Twins, but Different
Despite being similar, twins are distinct people and should be treated as individual beings. See tips.
By Lais Oliveira
Twins Beatriz Kawahara Xavier and Luisa Kawahara Xavier, six years old, are physically similar but have very different tastes and desires. While the first one likes to wear little dresses, prefers the lilac color, and doesn't mind drawing attention, the second is a fan of pink shorts and avoids attracting eyes. “They don't have the same clothes, they like different things. They are completely different people. I don't see them as equals as I use others see them”, says the girls' mother, publicist Sueli Kawahara, 43 years old.
From the moment they were born, girls were encouraged to maintain their uniqueness. “I am creating two beings, not clones. The time will come when each one will go their own way and I want them to be safe and not dependent on each other”, says Sueli.
Experts approve of this conduct. “It is important to encourage the individuality of the twins and respect it. The experience with which each one experiences, from inside the belly, influences the perception of their individuality. However, the fact that they were born together constitutes them as a 'double', which favors the thought that they depend on each other. As always in the company of his brother, there is little time left to get to know each other better. His self-image tends to be based on his brother as if he were a “mirror”, explains psychologist Liana Kupferman, who specializes in twins.
The distinction has to be made from the birth of children. “Being aware as soon as possible that they will be two children with different personalities, temperaments, and needs will help to treat them and relate differently to each one”, points out Liana, who is also the author of the study “The Brothers' Relationship Twins throughout the Life Cycle”.
Parents must resist the temptation to dress the twins identically. “The issue of the same clothes is that, often, this reflects on the way in which the parents themselves see the twins, in a unique way, without differentiating or singularizing them - the way a child needs to build subjectivity and personality”, explains psychologist Magosso Cavagioni, from Ceia Psicologia e Educação.
“It must be clear that what is important is not physical separation, but establishing individual relationships with them. This can often mean treating them in different ways since each one has their own way of acting”, highlights psychopedagogue Vanessa Cristina Guilhermon Rodrigues.
Tips for encouraging the individuality of twins:
- Treat them as unique beings
- Call each child by name, and don't refer to them as "the twins"
- Set aside a space for everyone in the house
- Avoid dressing them equally
- Buy clothes and toys separately so that everyone can choose what they like
- Don't make comparisons between them
- Encourage individual friendships. When one child is invited to a party, it doesn't mean the other child will go too
- Schedule activities according to your preference
- At school, give preference to separate rooms
Source: Ana Paula Magosso Cavaggioni, Psychologist of “Clia Psicologia e Educação”; Liane
Kupferman, clinical Psychologist specialized in the theme of twinning and author of the study
“The Relationship of Twins along the Vital Cycle”; and Vanessa Cristina Guilhermon Rodrigues,
psycho pedagogue specialized in neuro psycopedagogy.
The article was published at the "Folha de São Paulo, Magazine da Hora" - Twins, but Different - Brazil, Aug 2017
The article was translated by Google Translator. See the original article in Portuguese here.
