LIANA KUPFERMAN

The grandparents, with their age and life experience, manage better the love that they feel.
They know how to share the time and attention among sons and grandsons. There is a
conscious hart in this age that acts with wisdom.

 

In front of the grandsons, the grandfathers are calm, kind and more secure. Perhaps due to the
fact of having lived in the past, the same questions that their sons now have, this security
shows in their attitudes.

 

But of course there are exceptions! Arriving in the third age does not mean to always say the
“perfect maturity”, without questioning, conflicts or questions of bitterness. For instance, it
may happen that grandparents live with the sons, or even take part actively in the life of the
grandparents and are faced with the question of the moment: how to talk and educate the
grandsons without taking the authority from the sons-fathers? This is a thin line that today
grandparents and fathers face when taking care of the family. Maybe this question can be
solved with the experience and life history of each one, having as the greater objective, the
continuity of the affection in the family.

 

I would like to highlight the importance that is to grow with the family united and without
impacting conflicts, and even more with the grandparents present. They make the difference
today! In a research of the University Oxford with 1.5 thousand children, it was found that
children who grew near their grandparents are happier. We consider that this is also a two-way route; both children develop better with the presence of grandparents, as they feel the pride and care of the small grandsons and family.

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Now let’s talk about parents. It is known that today, the parents work much, or have a
troubled routine, and knowing that the family is close is good for all during those moments.
Counting with a trusted support is wonderful! When together, parents and grandparents give
the stability needed to the family.

 

Parents and grandparents many times have the same routine: they work out of home, take
care of the house and make many other activities! It is known that many grandparents help
financially the family, and still take care of the grandsons ....what a disposition! Today the
grandparent is no longer that quiet figure, but active and much present and respected by the
families.

 

A beautiful amplification of the functions of grandparents, right? Energy and vitality are not
lacking for the third age of today! Meanwhile parents, especially of small children, complain
about being tired. I think that the counseling of a grandparent at this moment would be: “do
not be discouraged.”

 

We could name this stage as “old parents and young grandparents”. It seems funny, but this is
what is happening. When a baby is born, it is the beginning of a life at three, four of five,
demanding from parents a reorganization of the routine, because the care and activities with
the new offsprings increase a lot. New functions are acquired and gradually adapted to the
parental life, which leads to a natural tiring.

 

Grandparents are in another moment. Having passed by the start of the marriage, with
independent children already, they feel that they can enjoy the time with much energy and
security. The time lived, the history passed by; it is the ideal opportunity to transmit to
grandsons those things that they would like to have with the sons.
A renewal of live! Grandparents and parents synchronized with the modern life make the
grandsons win with all that!

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Vanessa Kamkhaji Sapiro is Psychologist and Psychotherapist of Children and Specialist in Short
Psychotherapy by USG-HG.

Liana Kupferman is Clinical Psychologist Family, childish and Adult and Specialist Graduated in
Family and Couple by PUC-SP.

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The article was published at the "EduJudaica" Magazine (Jewish Education) - Brazil, May 2011

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The article was translated by Marko Petek. See the original article in Portuguese here.