There is No Such Thing as Loving Too Much
Give your child the assurance of your unconditional love even when his frustrations are caused by you. Yeah, it's not easy. But this is his greatest proof of affection and the way for him to learn the importance of this feeling forever.
Ana Paula Pontes
How do you describe the love you feel for your child? And the tightness in your chest that comes with every time you have to say no? And that full happiness just to see him smiling? You probably won't be able to measure even a feeling that seems to only increase. But, I bet, you keep thinking: can loving too much be harmful? Can I “spoil” my child by showering him with affection all the time?
The answer is no. Too much love doesn't hurt. And we have scientific proof that affection is only good for you. A respected study that lasted 34 years, carried out by Duke University, in the United States, followed 482 people from the first year of life and showed that the stronger the emotional bond between the mother and the child, the lower the levels of anxiety, stress, and hostility in adulthood. Yes, it is the kisses and hugs that we never tire of giving our children that will strengthen them for when they have to face conflicts later on. Think how many times in a difficult time it is a lullaby to remember the lap we received from our parents, grandparents, uncles. And that's not all.
The emotional side influences physical health as well. According to Alessandro Danesi, a pediatrician at Hospital Sírio-Libanês (SP), in a pediatric consultation, the disease cannot be analyzed in isolation. A delay in the child's development - whether to sit, crawl, talk - or even an asthma attack, headache, or belly for no apparent reason, can happen because of the environment to which he is exposed. For Danesi, in the first months of life, there is no morning. “The baby just came out of the mother's womb, why! It needs affection and comfort,” he says. That is: kiss, hug, hold your child in your lap as many times as you want. This affection needs to be shown all the time, in the most varied ways. And yes, you can go overboard without guilt!
And lap is something to give your whole life. But as the child grows, the form and the boundaries change, you know, but the essence does not. From his experience with family, psychologist Ivan Capelatto warns: care can never be neglected. “The child needs to feel that the family is present in his life, that this love will accompany him until he grows up, that he will always be able to count on him, even if frustration is inevitable”, he says. It's as if we were saying: just because I love you doesn't mean you'll get everything you want. Not from me, not from others. And you have to stand firm, even after he starts screaming because this is also a demonstration of affection and that's where something that nature doesn't give: self-esteem will be born. “She is the one who will protect the child from bullying, provide emotional support so that he/she can deal with adversity, provide security for him/her to have autonomy and make his/her choices”, says Capelatto.
A love for the child is something so difficult to describe that there are those who do not know how to deal with this new emotion and, amazingly, come to believe that they do not love their child the way they should. It happened to actress and theater teacher Nádia Hellmeister Morali, 29 years old, mother of Pedro, now 2 years old. To start a conversation about the love she felt for her son, she soon remembered how delicate it was to understand her feelings in the first days with him. . “I always thought I was different from many mothers because I didn't really know what to feel when I looked at Pedro. I was surprised when I realized that, as I took care of him, this love increased”, says Nádia, who realized in a poop diaper change how each participant in her son's life can awaken this love that we idealize so much. This “ideal” is the main point addressed by the psychologist Liana Isler Kupferman. It is something that starts before pregnancy, in the desire to have a child. But, when the baby is born, the change from the imaginary to the real takes place and it is at this moment, let's say, "concrete" of the relationship that difficulties may arise in creating a bond with the baby. But that feeling is precocious. “The bond is formed only in coexistence”, says the specialist.
The article was translated by Google translator. See the original article on the website: https://revistacrescer.globo.com/Revista/Crescer/0,,EMI189985-18161,00-AMAR+DEMAIS+NAO+FAZ+MAL.html